There is something innocent about the morning. Before the world awakens, before the hustle and bustle of the day, as others rise to their routine. I can relish and enjoy the stillness that the dawn brings. If I could, I would lay in bed for hours, allowing myself to enjoy that moment between waking up and my feet hitting the floor. The problems of the day have not yet come in full force and I allow myself to enjoy the solitude of the morning sun as it burns off the night haze. The morning welcomes, as the day begins, and I realize that I must give up the fight that has begun in the whispering of the dawn. In this world, this day, I am just a blind man fighting the world, not able to see the punches swinging against me. I am a soul pushing the darkness away. So before I rise to the battle of good versus evil, before I walk to the lines drawn in the depths of my soul as it fights for the eternal, I will rest in the dawn. I will take refuge in the twilight that I find in His Words as they capture my heart, transform my mind and allow me to let go. For He is God, one who is not surprised by the day ahead. I might be taken back be the twist and turns, yet my faith is strengthened in the bewilderment as it unfolds.

Today is all I can see, so in my present I will be faithful.

“But earnestly desire the greater gifts and I will show you a still more excellent way.” 1 Corinthians12:31

Show me the more excellent way.

I don’t know where this came from, or what cavity of my heart, mind or soul this started brewing. But I have learned that even when you can’t explain where it originates- you write anyway. I hope you enjoy the depths of something that came from somewhere. 

It’s consuming. She can feel the history of assumption, tension and stereotype starting to break down. The life she thought she was going to have, the days she assumed would come, are different than those being played out.  The pride of necessity, vanity and acceptance is defensive as she can feel Him etch His way to the marrow, the point of breaking what she thought was strong. But in her false esteem, He sees the fragile, timid, little girl that once was. That lays dormant in the Sodom of the present. The world has conformed her to its patterns of destruction and self-reliance. Over time the carnal strength has weakened, weakened under stress, disappointment and hurt. Yet that is what He desires—broken bones. He whispers to her, desiring to be the Truth overcoming her innermost being. For the wisdom of His heart to enrapture and ravish her weak skeleton of faith. To break the ties of tradition. To be set apart for healing, healing to be made new.

He follows her to the wilderness, knowing her cries are distracted by the weight of the flesh that is striving to keep fighting inside her. She must be reminded of the life that is made to be separate and wholly devoted. She bases her timeline as the earth spins and seems to forget that He is not a God of seconds, minutes or days. But one of promises, seasons and eternity. The One who wrote time and directs its steps yet she tries to manipulate it with her antsy schemes, setting the hands of the clock to what she deems to be right. But in the pushing, she feels the gentle, graceful hands take over and she allows time to slow down. To breathe. As the breath powers out the tension, the graceful hands become stronger. The exhaustion of fighting meets its final end as she lays down the calloused weapons of her self.

She could feel the warmth of the sun hit her face, knowing the light was peering in. Her eyes remained closed, not remembering where she was, but knowing the pleasure of that ignorance would not last for long. As the seconds passed, so did the memories of her crossing. Closing her eyes once more, afraid to face the reality she knew was there, the reality of being in the desert of loneliness, of having to pick up and keep surviving. She was tired. The sting of the bruises remained as an unnecessary reminder. Her arms crossed over her body, holding her for no one else would. She felt the scars, forcing her to be reminded that she was here. She used to wonder how people got to the point of desolation, what decisions did they make or lack of vigor did their perception lack? She would wonder how they got there and here she was knowing, now, exactly how it sneaks up on you. You make a small compromise here, a minor cognitive decision there and before you know it…. you’re here, wandering in the wilderness.

Eyes still closed, the darkness makes it so she can avoid the inevitable. Yet, in the stillness, in the quiet, she hears His voice.

“Little girl, arise.”

The confident assurance that came with a whisper was all too familiar, yet unable to locate its origin. The intimacy of the past and the beckoning of the present brought a comfort she had only desired in the deepest part of her bones.  The comfort that was unknown captures parts of her soul she had forgotten. Part of her humanity was laid to rest, yet His voice swept away the cobwebs, allowing the dust to be brushed away.

Her eyes peer open, just enough to realize the sun is out. It’s bright, but as the brilliance adjusts in her wakening, she finds it easier to breathe. It has been a fight, this sleep. She thought she was dead, she was sure of it. Yet, as His voice continued to whisper, her soul was awakened to the new life that lay ahead. A new wilderness. One of life, creation, and the brilliance that was all around.

Salvation restored to joy, let the bones which You have broken, rejoice.

It amazes me, really. Maybe it shouldn’t; we are warned, after all. I think I am getting a glimpse into how the disciples might have felt when Jesus showed back up on the third day- shocked and acting as if we were not told this is exactly what was going to happen. I read, watch, listen and I am astonished and amazed. Not at where the world is heading, necessarily, its always been in a (somewhat) slow demise to hell. Yet, as social media venues grow and become more abundant, we are seeing more and more Christians backing down from core beliefs. Yes, they might have convictions, but heaven forbid we push our convictions on to someone else and make them feel bad, even if the convictions are the foundation we find in the Word of God. Even if showing them that Truth constitutes as tough love.

Over the last month, I have been given the huge privilege to teach a Bible study at my home church. When the opportunity arose, I knew right away that I didn’t want to give these women a fish; I wanted to show them how to fish. We easily get caught up in the words of the man behind the pulpit or the woman who wrote the book and forget the power and immensity that stems out of a solitary time in the Word of God. It is easy to put the Bible aside, have it on your bed stand and look at it every once in awhile. Yet we must know that when there is an ignorance of scripture there are beliefs about God that are only found in man. You end up with a genie confirming your own emotions and not God revealing you the truth. The vibrancy of our relationship with God is suffering when we don’t spend time with Him, getting to know the truths that our lives must be founded on. Those truths that do not return void, will not return empty- not without accomplishing what He desires.

Not everything in those 66 books is black and white. There are grey areas—sprinkle or dunk? Pre, mid, post? Once saved always saved? Tithing? Free will? We like talking and discussing the grey areas because we can put on our cop hat: “Let’s agree to disagree, we can move on without hurting feelings or bruising friendships.” Yet, what we often do is pool that over to the blatantly obvious areas. When Jesus said “love your neighbor, feed the poor, pray for your enemies, make disciples and walk the narrow path,” that is exactly what He meant. There is no deeper, hidden meaning or loophole to grasp a buried understanding. The simplicity of the calling makes us uncomfortable so we over spiritualize it, looking for a way we can get away with doing it our way. It causes us to become flippant in the truth so we don’t feel as if we are going against the grain of the world. But the truth is, loving your neighbor is not always fun, praying for your enemies hurts our pride and giving away our materialistic gains to those less fortunate causes us to sacrifice. Yet- isnt that what we are called to do?

Galatians five has been given the name badge of the Fruits of the Spirit. Any kid in the south can all recite them with our eyes closed, hands tied and, if you know Veggietales, most likely to a jingle. Yet what we forget is the other part—the Fruits of the Flesh.

“Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

Eww.

Why do we not know those by heart? Why do we not have a catchy jingle? Cause its uncomfortable. It makes us squirm and die a little inside as we have quick mental flashbacks of all those things in our lives. Its called conviction and that (should) prompt us to change. Instead, we ignore it, focus on the pretty things and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.I suspect we will all be surprised to discover first-hand, just how dark the sins we justified in this world really are.

There is a path that is wide, the gate is far too big as it tolerates all ways of thinking. It leads to destruction.

The path to truth is narrow, the gate is small- but it leads to everlasting life.

What we should stand for, what we know as truth, is now the minority. I must stop being surprised by the tolerance and start knowing the truth for myself for I will “not be tossed about by every wind of doctrine, tossed here and there, deceived by the trickery of men, by craftiness and deceit.” But I will speak the truth in love.

We must continue to fight against the darkness because we have the Light. And Light always wins.

It wasn’t that big of a deal. At least that is what I told myself. I was doing better. Better in the standards of comparison. Yet that was my downfall. Comparing who I was now to who I was a few years ago. Comparing what I was doing tonight to the people that I was surrounded with. The power of influence was strong and sneaky. I didn’t realize it then, but my treacherous fall back into my chains was slowly creeping in. It comes in slowly, usually disguised. It looks pretty, painless, innocent and fun. Yet the consequences are anything but. The worst part is, it didn’t just chain me down, but shackled those whom I love.

The demise came. People blamed our enemy. The one that we are told is here to steal, kill and destroy. The enemy that we too often use to cast blame. The enemy that was rebuked by Him and then ignored. Yet we shoo him away in our own power just to give him attention as we point our finger.

I sat there that night, outside my car as the tears fell down my face. I was left to survey the chasm in my own heart, and I realized something that broke down my pride: I had no one else to blame. These chains, this fall, had been here all along waiting for us to trip. It had caught up with us. We told ourselves we were living above reproach, that we were doing good. We recited all the right expressions and said all the right things. Yet here we were.

The sadness, the grief lasted for a moment. Then it hit me: redemption. That is what He desires. He desires redemption over innocence. Our sin was here all along only now we were forced to deal with it. The chains, the pit falls, the stumbling had been brought into the light so that redemption could take place. As I wiped the tears from my face, the excitement of knowing something was coming began to take over. He doesn’t use people of compromise to do big things, His name cannot be associated with the imperfection it brings. He is purging, cleaning house and restoring. He is breaking the chains and setting us free. Free to move forward.

This won’t be the end. It won’t be the last time we deal with this. In times of desperation, loneliness, hunger and exhaustion we will find temporary comfort in our chains. That short satisfaction that will only take us further away from the Truth that we know. Its in those moments, when we don’t realize it, that God is preparing us. Preparing us for redemption, revival and to be taken out of the way. To purge what was there and brought to the reality of our selfishness.

There is this middle ground that we find ourselves wandering in. The time after you are washed clean, and before the work begins. The middle ground is painful, laden with decisions and abundant in power. Emotions are heightened, reality is skewed and feelings are dramatized. In this wilderness you are tempted, tried and given a choice. Yet in this assumed chaos we find what peace is beyond our own understanding. We find the hope that rests in the knowledge that it is not about us. We find power in spoken Word, and the unlimited strength that comes in the all consuming Spirit. We realize that the enemy is limited, defeated and the victory is won. That in the loneliness, hunger and isolation, we will experience betrayal, surprise and conviction. It will amaze you the truth that comes out as you seek to rise above. And you will rise. For we must remember that we do not fall into sin,we are led into it by the choices we make. Yet in that moment, we can learn to stop pushing and rest. Rest in the knowledge that He is fighting for us and the victory is already won. We know then, that we can rise above the middle ground and go towards the glorification of His grace.

We must not stop pushing against the darkness, for we have been given the Light and Light always wins.